Dead Beaten Dad: A fictional blog of child alienation, struggle, humor and tragedy of loss and redemption.
--Fiction is in the eye of the beholder
It’s six o’clock in the morning. I couldn’t sleep because
the woman I love, beautiful, wonderful, generous, devoted and tender snores
like a mac truck on a dusty gravel road in Texas at the break of dawn.
Actually, I’d be lying if that were really the case, not that she doesn’t snore
like a giant eating boulders but that isn’t the real reason I can’t sleep. Neither
does the fact that her little girl (a sublimely warm and delightful but leaky
little girl who needs frequent bathroom visits during the night. She is a doll
and I have raised her as my own since she was an infant. No that it not why I
can’t sleep.
Recently I lost my
children—all three of them. I am praying that this tragedy is not permanent but
my current state of mind, based on 6 years of painful experience, allows me no
other revelation for the future. You see, I’m a dead beaten dad. Not a dead
beat dad, let’s not be mistaken. I am a parent who has been beaten, bloodied,
humiliated, bankrupt, on the brink of losing my job, alienated from my kids and
all but destroyed by a narcissistic baby mamma intent on character assignation by
my any means necessary (in no way do I mean to impugn Malcom X by such a
comparison).
I am a parent subject to
the arbitrary whims of a Family Court which at best has proved indifferent to
my case and at worst has actively and ruthlessly denied me, at every turn, a
fair and balanced opportunity to present either evidence or argument.
I have
come to realize that Family Court is an assembly line of non-custodial
injustice. It is rotten to the core. Its corruption is on par with the Brooklyn
Police corruption that Frank Serpico uncovered in the 1960-70s, the housing
scandals of the early 21st century featuring Goldman Sachs and the Lehman
Brothers; and the Nixon Watergate scandal. While the players in family court
are not nearly as known, the social damage is just as pervasive:
Disjointed
families, emotionally shattered children, bankrupt and destitute non-custodial
parents who often are left with little or no opportunity to see their kids,
loss of work and existing in broken an
destitute lives.
The social notoriety of this bankrupt judicial system is not
as conspicuous as Watergate or Serpico but the wide spread damage has enormous
and deleterious effects upon society. The myriad of garden variety divorces in
New York and the rest of the country, a country estimated to have between 40 to
60 percent divorce rates depending on where and in what socio-economic income
bracket they arise out of.
I have lived this life. I am a professional, an academic and
teacher, yet I am not rich enough to afford legal counsel. My income, however,
does not place me within the socio-economic bracket to have a court appointed
lawyer. I have spent almost have of my retirement and took out enormous loans
just to pay a lawyer for the divorce some six years ago. Since then, I have had
to defend myself. Fortunately, I am adept at research and since I teach possess
a modicum of oral proficiency. Non-the-less, Judges still don’t take me seriously,
I have no connections within the broader courthouse community and I lack the legalese
and knowledge of courtroom protocol that is so extolled and relied upon (to the
extreme) that my seemingly educational advantages have little to know advantage
at all.
However, I have eked out enough persuasiveness, at least
enough to allow myself to be completely overrun by my ex’s high powered
attorney. While I am educated I come
from an impoverished family while my advisory is loaded. Big problem. One,
people with money can out spend you and “out time” you by constantly finding
ways to adjourn cases. This is hard when you have to work and find yourself
constantly in court. Deaths in the family, family emergencies, sick days, flat
tires and doctors’ visits have a way of piling up.
My boss deduced my excuses
early on and now I am on the verge of losing my job. No more missed days for me
or else I will lose my job (a tenure track job at a college!) If that is not
enough, the state unfairness of the New York State child support calculator is astoundingly
obvious to everyone but the judges. In my fictional case (because this blog is
manifestly fictional of course) I make $75, 000 and my ex makes 145,000
dollars.
My family is dirt poor and hers is filthy rich. She has well hidden
and protected stocks and is generously supported with out-of-pocket vacations,
seasonal ski tickets for the entire family, clothing, furniture, food, cleaning
services, child care and just about anything you can possibly imagine. While
this was made palpable clear to the judge, I was nevertheless ordered to pay
$18,00 a month in child support. I have 5 outstanding debts left-over in my
name from the marriage (all waiting in line to garnish my wages.) After finding
myself suffering from insurmountable debt I was unable to pay child support for
a year so not only are my wages being garnished, they are further impacted by the sundry fees
and taxes associated with the process.
Moreover, the $200,000 student debt I
incurred has taken a toll both on my finances and my credit report. My credit
report! In New York City one can’t get a place to stay without a minimum credit
score which mine (hovering around the 400 level) leaves me with very little
options for places to live. At present, I can’t afford my rent anymore and once
evicted will not be able to live close enough to continue working at my current
job.
That said, I still have managed to hang in there to the
utter dismay of my ex. Six years of struggle forced her to come up with
different strategies. Ah yes, I forgot to mention that her job requires her to
be a state mandated reporter which she has used liberally for the past year and
a half.
I have pursued every avenue to continue a once healthy and
loving relationship with my two sons and one daughter. Sleep doesn’t come easy
to a father who has lost his children. After ten years of marriage and three
kids my then wife decided she no longer needed me, divorced me and for the past
6 years has spread lies and deceit about my inability and unwillingness to
provide money, stability and loving attention to my three beautiful children. My
credibility as a parent has been destroyed.
It might shock the reader but it was my decision to make the break, not
from my children but from their toxic mother. It has become impossible for me
to have any communication with my ex and therefore not a dead beat dad, but a
parent who has been forced into poverty by his ex.
Up Next..Humiliation in the Bronx
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